if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
