dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
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I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
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The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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