I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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