is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
