yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
