the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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