You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
