awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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