Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
