my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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