C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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