I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it because I queefed?
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It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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