So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
