Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
