I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
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hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
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Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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