End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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