i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
