i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hippo gnu deer
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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