just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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