I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
