I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
