my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
