My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
