What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
