I think I just saw someone hide a body.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
