hotel room ftw
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
