I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
where am i from again
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
