some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
