Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
