Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
