we have officially mastered the walk of shame
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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