I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
