Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
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Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Those nachos came to me in a dream