He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
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It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
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I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.