That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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