I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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