Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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