and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches