I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!