She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo