Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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