He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
