So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
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woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
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im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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