Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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