i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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