To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
