I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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