Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
