mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
