Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
