I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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