I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
