Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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