so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
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Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
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I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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