I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
