Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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