Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
