It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
