Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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