i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
