If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Boobs are out for the taking
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize