this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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