Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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